DYFAM: When I Never Return To Social Media
A stream of conscious on making the invisible visible.
It is 9:20pm on a Tuesday evening. John Coltrane's album, Naima, is playing. I am sipping a non-alcoholic Kin Dream Light highball.
I’m still quite anxious when it comes to writing these newsletters. Today felt like a good day though so, here I am. Taking advantage of a moment of light on a dark winter evening.
Last week I had a session with my life coach, Jamila Reddy. She told me that with everything she puts out, she releases it with an intention. No matter how simple the intention is. In wanting to possess that same level of intention and thoughtful, I felt it only right to set an intention for sending out this letter.
My intention to you in writing this, is that when it finds you, I hope you feel a little less alone and a little more capable of doing something for yourself this week. And maybe discover some new music to get you over the Wednesday hump.
In our coaching session, we revisited my "life purpose". This was something I was asked to develop on my own and use it as a compass. I tend to have a problem with saying yes or no to the right (or wrong) things, so grounding myself in my purpose has allowed me to discern the work and projects that I take on and prioritize.
I see my life purpose as a calling to make the invisible visible. I've always found visibility to be one of the most powerful and influential double-edged swords. While in this hyper-visible age of social media, visibility can often feel like a crippling pressure, personally, I've found visibility to serve more good in my life. When people make themselves, their work, dreams, feelings, inquiries and imaginations visible, I am able to envision and actualize so much more for myself. Visibility has shown me that nearly anything is possible. And I've seen realities come to fruition for others when I've made my own process or practices visible. I don't believe in hiding knowledge, keys, gems, the imperfect stages of growth, the growing pains, the stages where we get it wrong more before we get it right, when all we have are questions before we can arrive at answers. I believe in the power of putting it out there for the greater collective.
Talking about the putting things out to the greater collective— I've been off social media the past two weeks and it is the best decision I have perhaps ever made. I felt like I kept saying, tweeting, posting about how I wanted to leave social media. And people kept replying and saying how badly they wanted to leave too. And then I had this moment where I was like... wait. No one's holding a gun to our heads. We're not actually being held hostage to these platforms. If I keep talking about being stuck here and wanting to leave... why not just leave? It was at that moment that I realized, Oh. This is addiction. Followed by, Well. Now I have to leave.
I severely underestimated the amount of time that I've gotten back to myself when I don't spend hours infinite scrolling through news feeds. Literally. It's like... I can have a full day of work and hobbies and relationships and still go to bed on time. And then of course, not only is my schedule free, but so is my mind. I kept telling myself this false assumption that I would miss out on "inspiration" by leaving Instagram and not seeing artists put out work that would move me to do the same. Of course, this is a catch-22, because by spending all my time on Instagram looking at artists put out work, what am I not doing? Making work. But being off social media has allowed my confidence to soar, pressure to drop, and the creative juices flow.
I really may never return.
Tying this all back to visibility: now that I'm off social media, I'm significantly less visible. The world doesn't have access to who I'm hanging out with or when I'm getting my haircut or what I’m cooking for dinner. In a sense though, I feel more visible in the ways that do matter. I realize not being on social media doesn't eradicate my desire to be seen and connect with others. I'm just more intentional about how I go about it. If I miss someone, I text them, not watch their story. If I love someone's work, I email them and maybe have a virtual coffee, instead of simply leave a comment or DM that they may never read. I feel seen by those who I want to see me when I want to be seen. And fully seen, not curated seen. Did I mention I may never return back to social media?
So, now that my day-to-day is not on full display, I want to make my invisible visible to you. So that maybe you and I could share an intentional conversation. Or as aforementioned, as I set my intention, make you feel a little less alone in your day-to-day. And maybe a little more inspired to seize an evening to yourself. Or start that thing you've been hesitant to start. Or maybe, simply just dream for the first time of something being possible that you found a little less possible the day before.
So what am I up to these days, huh?
Well, the most personally significant hobby I've taken up is learning the piano. I bought an electric piano as a New Years gift to myself and have played it every single day since I got it two weeks ago. Most days I find an hour to practice, but some days it's 15 minutes. Either way, I play.
I can't remember the last time I've fallen in love with something like this before. When I tell you I go to bed thinking about keys and focus on memorizing chord progressions during my workouts... I'm quite literally obsessed. I started off self-learning through Youtube videos and I just started taking virtual lessons this week. It’s funny, I was literally listening to an old playlist on Spotify and came across this song I liked. I don't know what compelled me to do so, because I never do this, but then I googled the artist of the track and found out he was a trained jazz pianist who... offered lessons. It was truly divine. A year ago, if I had bought myself a piano, it would have sat in a corner for a year while I ran around and did anything else. But this year, achieving my goal of becoming a pianist feels both possible and inevitable.
I'm also working on writing an original tv pilot. I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. But, I decided to start by outlining all the episodes within my show's first season and bought this book on character development. I'll keep y'all updated on this process but if anyone has any swear-by resources, reads or tips for an aspiring screenwriting— hit my line.
Of course, great readers make great writers, so in the very limited time that I have between work, piano, writing, socializing, feeding myself, etc. I try to read a handful of pages of As Serious As Your Life by Val Wilmer whenever I can. It's an intimate, genuine take on the free jazz movement (and it's artists) of 1957-1977. If you're a music history head (as I am well on my way to becoming), I highly recommend.
Lastly, on the note of music. I've updated my weekly playlist, Fiveboi Selects: For Your Ears Only, with my favorite tracks currently on rotation. My all-time favorite right now is Harrison's Around You. When it came on, I literally stopped in my tracks to fully focus on listening to those two golden minutes of soaking in the jazzy keys layered within this beat. Also, the album art is a win for me.
Well, I think I've probably overshared quite enough at this point. I hope you've enjoyed my life dump into your inbox. My email is always open, so if anything you read made you want to connect, if you're also learning a new instrument and want to start a band one day, or maybe you're a writer who also doesn't know what the fuck you're doing but also figuring it out, always down to intentionally connect.
Until the next time,
Van